When I Like You, Its Total Revenge.

Tired of caring about that which doesn't matter. Not only that, but knowing my efforts, concern, and good intentions are amounting to nothing but the decay of my self worth. I sing along to the words, "Life is not a monster, make the best of what you have", but its hard to do anything when every time I turn around I get punched in the face, time and again. I've pieced together this armor over the years to cover up the wounds. I've learned when to advance and when to step back. I'm prepared for the worst. Yet somehow she's slipped right through the gates. Made a mockery of my fortress, and without a care in the world is taking me down brick by boring brick. Yeah, I can use metaphors for days. But the feelings felt are all too real. I have to spend a predetermined amount of time before I can move on. But I promise that when I do, you won't know about it. Here's to the friends that are here, and fuck off to those who don't care.

Time to make a move.

Do work.

Stay Brutal.

I'll be there just to watch you fall.

So here we go. Yet again I'm sitting here, by myself. I've come to just expect that on a day to day basis...being alone. It doesn't nag at me anymore. Instead, I'm just focused on the tasks at hand. During the day I stay busy, and things get done, moves are made. But at night... At night its not the same. When its dark, my mind starts to burn me. And what keeps the flames alive is knowing that no one is there to help. People say, "I'm here for you.", but so far that hasn't been told in truth. I'm still waiting for someone reliable. Until then, I guess I'll just work on self-resiliency. I suppose its nice to have people who pretend to care, but in the end we are alone. And its what you do in these dark times that defines you. I will not curl up and die. I will charge the next fight head on, because there is always another battle. Believe me, I have the wounds to prove it. I have scars from years past. And sometimes they re-open, and it hurts. But they remind me what I've been through. Don't kid yourself, you have no idea who I am. I will keep my distance, because you've kept me on the outside looking in. But now I see so much clearer. And the things that I've learned have taught me never to trust you. I'll be on my way now. I've found the open road, and I'll drive away to somewhere I won't remember. One day I'll be back. But it won't be because I want to help. You have already rejected that which was given. No. I'll be there just to watch you fall....

I Guess There's Nothing More I Can Ask of You

At this intersection, I've been at a stop longer than maybe I should be. But there is something about the lights ahead, that make me sit here and think. I've made up my mind to stop wasting the pages that are filled with your name and feelings written. If what you intended was to have me turn to that which is populated with pain and hate, then you should win an award for how well you've done so. There isn't much left but anger. These eyes have showered themselves dry. I've cared so much that all I have left are selfish thoughts. It would be a lie to say that I won't think about you anymore. But I can say that there will no longer be a smile to accompany those thoughts. You gave, and took, the happiness I had been searching for. So I'll use the anger to ignite the engine, and I'll drive off to somewhere I can forget. Don't expect any postcards, I'll save those for people who matter.

mis-er-y
[miz-uh-ree]
-noun, plural

1. wretchedness of condition or circumstances.
2. distress or suffering caused by need, privation, or poverty.
3. great mental or emotional distress; extreme unhappiness.

You're No Longer Laughing, And I'm Not Drowning Fast Enough

Yeah, I'm laying awake in my bed. I know I should be sleeping, I just can't stop thinking about you. But are you thinking about me?
Tell me the truth, did you mean any of it?
I still read the words you sent me. And when I think of the moments you were next to me, I smile. But those feelings are so abruptly interrupted. Yes, interrupted by this current situation that leaves me alone in the cold. It's starting to feel like you don't care. How is that possible? The girl I met would never have done this. If you're nervous, if you're afraid, if you're not certain, please believe me when I say that you're not alone. I'm trying so hard to be there for you, but you won't let me. Why are you pushing me away, when all I want is to be next to you... Maybe one day you'll see. Maybe once again hindsight will serve you better than the eyes you won't use. But god knows by then it'll be too late. Cuz thats how it works. Didn't I tell you? Yeah, I've told you. Told you how much I like you, but maybe its worse than that...

Can We Skip to the End?

I am not sure how much more I can give. Giving, and giving, and giving some more. Its never enough, I know it will never be enough. No matter the amount of effort put forth, I am only working towards some degree of failure. 

Apparently I don't deserve any answers, because I'm not getting any. So suck it up, and drive on. But I'm lost, without a map or a sense of direction.

These bad thoughts that I had behind me have crept up again. And I am sick of this artificial comfort. Just leave me alone. I know you don't understand.

I'm getting tired of this ride, and I'll be happy when its over. 

I wish she would just talk to me, instead the silence is killing me.

With every favor, with every thought, with every care, with every word. 

I just get slapped and stabbed, and kicked, and spit on.

So enough is enough.

I'm through with this game. You can keep what I've given, yes, even the blood and the tears. And I'll keep pretending that this wasn't a waste of time. 

Thanks for making me hate myself.

Have a good life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqlsVypKIu8